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genderqueer

V-Card Diaries: Adrian "By the time I graduated from high school, I had managed to completely bottle up my sexual impulses (a very bad thing!)"

A little about myself:

I'm a 21 y/o genderqueer college student from Florida!

How I define virginity:

I think that virginity is a state of never having had loving, safe, consensual sex before. But it's not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things - whether or not you've has sex before doesn't make you more or less of a person.

Here's my story:

When I was younger, I was obsessed with staying 'pure' because of the influence of my church and my parents. I was taught that being 'pure' meant keeping away from not only the physical act of sex, but also thoughts and self-inflicted actions that would stimulate sexual thoughts/activities. This was all fine and dandy until I got to 10th grade. It was like a switch had been flipped in my brain, and then suddenly every day was like terrible, horny, torture. I realized at that time that I was sexually interested in people of the same sex as well as the opposite sex, and a lot of people in-between. But I was too anxious about being judged by the people around me, so I kept it bottled up, and the more I tried to hide it the more those repressed thoughts came out to haunt me.

By the time I graduated from high school, I had managed to completely bottle up my sexual impulses (a very bad thing!). But then I moved away to college, and the new, sex-positive environment unraveled all my 'progress'. I fell into a deep depression, feeling as if nothing in the world was worth living - all because I couldn't keep my thoughts 'under control', based on what other people thought I should be doing with my body and mind! As you can tell, I was in a bad place, all because I had never given myself a chance to really understand and accept my sexual thoughts. I was stuck like that until I came across Scarleteen.com, a website that teaches young people about sex in a gentle, accessible, inclusive way. Exploring that website got me started on my journey to recovery.

Fast forwards to today, and I'm still a virgin. But I no longer beat myself up over thoughts that, through therapy and other activities, I've realized are natural. I don't put that much importance on virginity or 'purity' either way, as a positive or negative thing. My virginity 'is what it is', and when I feel like I'm close enough to someone to have sex with them, then it'll happen. I know that the day that happens won't be some magical event, but I hope that at the very least it'll be bearable! In the meantime, I'll keep working to improve my health, my friendships, my hobbies, my confidence, my career, and many more things.

If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.

V-Card Diaries: Kageashi "Despite routinely seeing naked women at work, I still haven't had intercourse"

A little about myself:

I was born in Alexandria VA, but I raised in Western Pennsylvania. I moved to Washington DC for college...and still haven't left 14 years later. My sex is male, but my gender is interchangeable.

How I define virginity:

In heterosexual and male homosexual dynamics, I see virginity as penis penetration of the vagina or anus. For lesbian sex...I have no idea.

Here's my story:

I was reading through the blog and noticed a sad dearth of stories from older individuals (Oh gods, don't make me the old one).  I'm 32 years old, and I still have my V-card, depending on your outlook.  The fact that I still have my V-card probably qualifies as irony, however.

For almost two years I worked for a kink venue.  That is to say, a venue where people came to party (legally) on various pieces of kinky apparatus. The day I realized I had become jaded to the whole situation was when I was speaking with the venue owner in our office and two women were naked and having sex on the floor just inside the doorway.  Open door policy indeed.

Despite routinely seeing naked women running around during those two years, I never had intercourse.  The opportunity only came up once, and I only found out afterwards.

It's not that I'm waiting for marriage–just for something a little deeper than a one-night-stand.  I've had a few near-misses–right time, wrong place, etcetera.  But as a man gets older, the expectation is that he is either really experienced (and should have papers proving he's disease free and routinely checked) or a lame duck.

We'll see if it happens anytime soon.  But for all the guys out there thinking you're the oldest male virgin around outside of the priesthood?

Odds are you aren't.

If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here

V-Card Diaries: Cas "I was abused, sometimes in front of the teacher, with no intervention."

**Trigger warning for sexual assault and self-harm** Today we're highlighting Cas in Edmonton, Canada, who was sexually abused at age six and raped at age twelve. Now, at fifteen, Cas is no longer afraid. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a fifteen-year-old genderqueer individual residing in Edmonton, Alberta. I'm currently supporting myself and working a full time job.

How I define virginity:

Virginity is a social concept reaching back into the ages where women were property and 'virgins' worth more than those who were 'tainted.'

Here's my story:

At age six I was sexually abused. This was my first introduction into sexual intercourse. I know it involved oral rape. That is all I care to remember.

I moved from my home town to Texas when I was ten.

At age twelve I was raped by the boys in my school. I was grabbed, I was abused, sometimes in front of the teacher, with no intervention. I was told I deserved it. No one deserves that torture. Due to intense bullying and a complete lack of social support, I attempted suicide. I was sent to a mental facility for ten days, and outpatient therapy for three months. I did not divulge the information regarding my sexual abuse, largely due to the fact that I had repressed many of the memories. Later that year I moved back.

I was not raped again, but my social skills were destroyed, my trust in masculine figures nonexistent. And my parents were on the edge of divorce as I dealt with kids throwing apples, rocks, pine cones, and pens at me. They also grabbed my breasts and backside, and told me I was oversensitive when I screamed at them never to touch me. I attempted suicide twice that year, both failed.

Fourteen, first consensual kiss. Back to school. School is not bad, but I am suffering from flashbacks and nightmares, and severe depression. Fifteen, November, I attempt suicide a final time. I am in the hospital for a week for potential liver failure. Then, I leave.

This is all essential to my sexual history. A month after I move out, I have my first orgasm. My sexual début was with a nineteen year old girl, and a dildo. It was very nice. Three months later, a man and I engage in sexual intercourse. And I am no longer afraid.