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Ask Trixie: Is the G-spot a real thing?

Got a question about virginity, sex, relationships, feminism or filmmaking? Ask Trixie here.

is the "G-spot" a real thing? –Anonymous

People continue to fiercely debate whether there’s an actual G-Spot (named for German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg). Some people have an especially sensitive spot on the inside front-ish part of their vaginal canals, and when it’s rubbed just right magical things happen. Others don’t feel that much in their vaginas at all and would always prefer the party to be happening around their clitoris. And others think that anything they feel in their vaginas is actually coming from their clitoris any way.

Wait, weren't we talking about the G-Spot? Yes, but bear with me. The clitoris, like an iceberg, takes up a lot more territory than the bit that’s visible, and therefore might be the source of physical pleasure for the whole vulval/vaginal area. So what you feel in your G-Spot area is possibly just another form of stimulation of the giant clitoral body. 

If you want to learn more about the amazing clitoris, The Huffington Post just published a pretty amazing story package on the clitoris complete with history, diagrams and swell animations.

The moral? There's really no correct location for your orgasm, despite what Dr. Freud* thought, so the important thing is to figure out what feels really good down there and do more of that, whatever you want to call it. You can read more about The G-Spot here and here as well.

*Sigmund Freud taught that clitoral orgasms were 'immature' and after puberty women should only have vaginal orgasms, which he deemed 'mature.' This was based on absolutely no scientific evidence except his belief that real sex was dictated by the penis and intercourse. Despite it being total bullshit, this myth continues to this day even though a significant percentage of women don't experience orgasms located in their vaginas.

Got a question about virginity, sex, relationships, feminism or filmmaking?  Ask Trixie here.

V-Card Diaries: Young Lover V-Card Diaries: Young Lover "When I imagine sex, I think of a 120 mph iron train aiming at a mouse hole."

.A little about myself:

I'm a 16-year-old high school junior from New Jersey. I'm really involved in leadership and tutoring programs, and I box in my free time. College applications are starting to become the domineering force in my life, but I'm much more focused on some of my friends and their personal issues considering 2014 has not treated them kindly.

How I define virginity:

I'd define virginity as one who's never had penile-vaginal sex. I understand this can't include lesbian couples but I would say you can have that sort of sex without "making love" so to speak. When I define virginity, I'm thinking in completely physical terms.

Here's my story:

I know in the mindsets of most people, 16 is way too young to even consider having sex and to others it's the perfect age. I can remember naively discussing it with some of my friends. "I'll never do it until I'm 20 at least!" I said at the age where boys still had cooties.

I guess my issue is some of my most "virginal" friends have started losing their V-Cards, and it's made me realize that sex is not this enormous deal as it's portrayed in pop culture. Rather, it's natural, awkward, and–as I'm afraid–will probably hurt.

My mom decided it was time I visited the gyno a few months back, and I was terrified. Most of my friends have trouble believing me, but I've still never masturbated because I don't like the feeling of anything near my vagina. I had no idea what to expect when I spread my legs for the first time in my gynecologist's office, and when I heard her clanking through METAL, I instantly tightened all my muscles in full panic.

It seemed she didn't even know the meaning of consent. When she found the right tool, she dove immediately inside my funhouse, and I began to scream because of the pain. I begged her to take it out, which she did not do for several agonizing seconds. I was crying, and she still had the audacity to ask if she could do the same thing with a gloved finger. I was left alone in there for an hour to de-stress myself, and my vaginal muscles refused to unclamp during that entire time. Even thinking back on it now, it still causes me to clench.

After research, I believe I have vaginismus. The exercises to "cure" it terrify me still, as they involve stretches and inserting objects. Of course this is a self-diagnosis, so who really knows what's going on down there? My friend (17) recently lost hers to a 23-year-old–her old XC assistant coach. It sounds quite messed up, but she's in all the top classes and maintains an excellent GPA, so she hasn't been "misguided" in any way.

I guess the point of this is, I'm afraid. I'm very much afraid to have sex. About a week ago, my boyfriend brought it up (he'd never force anything of course), and was wondering if it was something I'd want to try, as we've done most everything else. I backed off immediately, remembering that experience at the gyno and my inability to even handle a tampon.

I'm definitely not asexual, but I truly can't imagine anyone being pleasured by having a penis inside you. Or how a vagina can even stretch that far for that matter (considering the size of an erect penis). When I imagine sex, I think of a 120 mph iron train aiming at a mouse hole. I don't know what to do, but I don't want him to know how afraid I am.

 Painful sex can sometimes be caused by physical issues that need to be treated by a gynecologist or physical therapist. Read more about that condition here. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here