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V-Card Diaries: Rebecca "We're both young Christian Republicans who do not care that sex goes against our main ideologies"

Writing from: Gilroy, California

Age: 15 years old

How I define virginity: Once the penis is inside the vagina, you've lost your virginity. However, if you're gay or lesbian, it's obviously different.

Freshman year, I met him at a football game and we talked often and loved seeing each other. He was super sweet to me, but I realized that I wasn't really in to him, so I stopped talking to him, in order to not lead him on. We still politely greeted each other whenever we saw one another.

Now sophomores, we started talking again because he was talking to one of my best friends. I think we became such close friends when we realized we were both freaky people, the only difference being, which I didn't tell him, that I was a virgin. We told each other that we'd hook up before we graduated, even as he currently will probably soon date another girl in my class. I told him to call me on a rainy day, and we actually set that day for two weeks from now. We then realized that we both got out of school early this past Friday, and decided to meet then.

At 11:50 am, I dashed out of school and started the journey to his house. I walked through dangerous parts of the big city and got to his house at around 1:45 pm. There was a slight delay in time because I had to compose my nerves in a Safeway bathroom before I headed on, had to re-check directions to his house in a McDonalds, and freshened up in the bathroom of a public high school I passed on the way to his house, and then proceeded to proudly strut down the hallways of that school in my all-girls Catholic high school uniform.

Since we are close friends, walking in to his house knowing I'd leave not a virgin was slightly awkward, but not too much. He nervously talked about hockey practice as I took off my shoes as sexily as one can take off her shoes. We made a quick plan in case his parents came home. So we went in his basement, turned on Family Guy, and started making out. He fingered me, gave me a hickey, and we eventually had sex, and he even ate me out. We cracked jokes at each other, laughed and moaned a lot, and had a lot fun. I felt so comfortable with him. He got upset when I continuously called myself ugly.

We decided that we didn't want to tell anyone. I had to be back at school by 5 for tech crew so he downloaded the Lyft app and paid for a ride back. The driver must've thought we looked ridiculous ducking as we ran to the car to avoid the camera his parents set up in front of his house, trying to figure out if he had enough money, where to enter our coupon code, and laughing as we gave each other an awkward kiss goodbye. The driver and I made small talk about my school's XC team.

Let me throw in one more thing to make you laugh out loud one more time at this hilariously awkward story; in those 3 hours, I had my first kiss, first make-out session, first time being fingered and eaten out, first time even touching a penis, and yeah, first time having sex. I've been told before that it's unhealthy to be in a friends-with-benefits relationship, or to be having sex when you haven't been 15 for even a month and he's only been 16 for about 2 months, but I don't care. There's such a taboo over sex and people don't realize that it's the most natural thing ever.

We're actually both young Christian Republicans, who do not care that sex goes against our main ideologies. Have sex or don't have sex whenever you freakin' want; it's you and your partners business only. I love my crazy and awkward first-time story. Last tidbit, don't be surprised if you feel sore for the next few hours, or if you're in your school's theater bathroom an hour later and you're bleeding a bit!

 

If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Find The V-Card Diaries here on most Wednesdays.

V-Card Diaries: LaPlume "I numbed my mind for the entire experience."

**TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT**

A little about myself:

I'm and 18-year-old cis female from Indiana who currently lives in Chicago.

How I define virginity:

I always saw virginity as the first time one has sex/is penetrated. The heterosexual definition of virginity has always been my go-to definition since that's all that has ever applied to me, but as I read other stories I see it's not as black and white as that. Virginity can be pretty subjective.

Here's my story:

I was 15 when I lost my virginity and the guy was 19. We went to high school together. I never planned on sleeping with him at all, let alone for my first time. I wanted my ex-boyfriend and I to share our first experience together but we'd broken up and my two best friends were so happy to have me join them in their sexual adventures that they pushed me to sleep with him. They said "why not?" and I was hurt, so I set it up. It wasn't rape in the technical sense, but I knew I didn't want to before we even made it to my bedroom. My exact thought was, "If I tell him no now, he'll rape me. So I should just get it over with."

It was awful. There was no foreplay. He just told me to get naked and he only kissed me when he realized he couldn't perform. He reluctantly performed oral sex on me (which was painful in itself) and then he went for it. There was so much blood and a literal tearing sensation, and he wouldn't stop talking about himself. I numbed my mind for the entire experience. Afterward I made him leave and I immediately washed my sheets. I don't remember the rest of that day, only that I covered my tracks so that my parents wouldn't find out.

When I got back with my boyfriend I was so embarrassed that I lied about being with anyone else at all. I cried when he gave his virginity to me.

If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here

Nobody puts Baby in a corner...or oppresses her with patriarchal paradigms of female sexuality

We missed this video when it came out but thought it was just too tasty not to share it with you all. The Onion's film critic looks back at Dirty Dancing and along with the usual plot points we get these gems, worthy of any Introduction To Human Sexuality and Gender Studies curriculum:

It smashed not only box office records but also the mistaken assumption that adolescent girls shouldn't wait until some arbitrarily-mandated age to explore themselves sexually.

Sexuality is not some light switch that magically turns on when kids reach eighteen.

The film is commendable for modeling to girls that as long as they find a partner who's safe and respectful like Johnny, their sexual awakening can begin whenever they are ready.

The fact that these lines are uttered by a dude who looks like someone's dad makes it extra delightful, and just a little bit creepy. Nobody puts Baby in a corner...or oppresses her with patriarchal paradigms of female sexuality.

h/t to Documentary Doctor Fernanda for sending it our way.

Note: Headline corrected because I can't believe we messed up one of the greatest quotes in cinematic history.

V-Card Diaries: Lucky "We were 14 and 15 and in love. It took us a year to go all the way."

Today we're highlighting Lucky in Wisconsin, who had a dedicated, engaged partner who wanted her to be happy, satisfied and connected in a sexual way. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 30 year old business owner, who happens to be a divorced woman in Wisconsin, with a beautiful 2-year-old daughter.

How I define virginity:

There are many things that constitute virginity - But in my book becoming a sexual being is what is meant by 'virginity' - understanding sex in a sexual context and the loss of childhood and innocence.

Here's my story:

I met a very wonderful boy when I was 13, and he was 14. We were very committed to each other and spent tons of time together. We talked (at length) about EVERYTHING under the sun and spent time together every day. We knew each other very well - to say the least. We understood what sex was, and we moved from making out, to exploration of each other's bodies, to sexual touching, oral, and then moved on to penetrative sex. It took us over a year to go "all the way" - We were 14 and 15, and in love, in my bedroom when my parents were gone the first time we had penetrative sex. But looking back I was SO LUCKY! I had a dedicated engaged partner that wanted me to be happy, satisfied and connected to him in an intimate emotional and sexual way. I can't even imagine any better way to have been introduced to sex!

It was amazing, and connected, and so much better than "waiting" - putting too much pressure on one act. When I finally told my mother there was 'disappointment' and she was basically horrified by my young introduction to sex - (being an underage mother herself) lots of shaming and guilt trips followed. But somehow, they balanced each other out and the enjoyment of sex and the relationship continued all through my time in High School.

As an adult I'm a fully-realized sexual being that is not afraid of their sexuality. I have explored myself and 2 other long-term partners along my journey of life. I understand how to express myself in a sexual way, and I hope for my daughter that she will be able to have as good an experience as I did, when she is in love and ready - just as I did.

V-Card Diaries: James "My valedictorian medal had a big V on it, which could have also stood for virgin"

Today we're highlighting James in Canada, whose romantic encounter with a woman at a bonfire ended in disappointment, but also reassurance that someone found him attractive. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 19 year-old boy from Canada who is a second year university student. I was also my high school's Valedictorian and was given a medal with a big "V" on it. It's funny how the "V" could also stand for "Virgin."

How I define virginity:

Never having consensually caused an orgasm though physical contact with another person. Also a patriarchal construct used as a reference to self-value, commodifying women and stratifying men; engrained into consciousness so well that it has become a dominant part in some people's lives. Heck, even I have trouble letting go of the idea that it something special.

Here's my story:

All throughout middle school and high school I have never had a girlfriend, due mostly to my lack of social skills. I remember feeling different and slightly alienated from my peers as it seemed everyone else I knew was able to easily acquire a boyfriend or girlfriend. Me being a guy, I rarely got asked out. I remember the first time I was asked out was in grade 7. I was really nervous being young and less familiar to the whole "dating game" and ended up saying neither "yes" nor "no" to her. I now regret that.

The farthest I have ever gone with anyone was with this girl I met at a late night bonfire beach party. She was a year young than I was and I remember how she would frequently come to talk with me and seemed interested with everything I said, which I thought was just her being freindly. She started getting cuddly with me and I cuddled her back since I thought she was cute. The party ended when the tide came in and the fire was put out. We were the last to leave and we ended up getting lost while walking; to where, I don't remember. It was dark and we were alone so we went back to my car, which was parked by the beach. When we got to my car I remember us standing there and staring at each other when it just happened, we kissed!

We then ended up cuddling and making out in my car and talked to each other about various things. She told me that she had had a crush on me for a while and even viewed my Facebook profile a few times. She even told me that she was attracted by my social awkwardness. I eventually addmitted to her that I was a virgin and that I never really had a girlfriend before and she told me she too was a virgin, which was nice to know. I found out we had quite a few things in common and we ended up crashing for the night in my car. I remember asking her jokingly if this meant we slept together.

Thinking I had a new girlfriend, I messaged her a few days later. She responded by telling me how drunk she was that night and how she didn't really want a relationship with anyone and how sorry she was. I was deeply saddened and disappointed but got over it after a solitary walk through town. I am still a virgin who has never been in a relationship but it is nice to know that there are others in my situation. It is also reassuring to know that there is at least one person out there who finds me attractive.

V-Card Diaries: Rosie 'My boyfriend didn't have a problem when I said "no" in the middle of sex"

Today we're highlighting Rosie in New York. Since her first experience was so painful and there was hardly penetration, she assumed she and her boyfriend were still virgins. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I am an 18-year-old female from New York.

How I define virginity:

I define virginity as any limit that will make you feel emotionally and sexually fulfilled.

Here's my story:

As a teen in high school I was not popular, especially with boys. I craved for my first boyfriend and our first mind-blowing kiss. But all that I got was teasing and ridicule. Hell, my first kiss with my first "boyfriend" was at 17 and it was barely a peck on the lips. It was lacking luster, to say the least. 

Enter college. Two weeks into classes I met my first real and current boyfriend. We hit it off the moment we exchanged names and we jumped right into dating. With this all being brand spanking new to me, I questioned my sexuality a lot and whether or not I was going too fast with this boy I just met. Then I asked myself the real question: who decided for me what was going too fast? There was no written rule saying what you could and couldn't do with your first boyfriend. There was no timeline of how fast or slow to take things. There was me and him and no one else. And we were both horny as fuck. So a month after we met for the first time, we did the deed. And I hated it. I have never been in so much pain. It was so painful that in the middle of the act I pushed him out because the penetration hurt me so much (and he stayed out without a single complaint about how crazy I was for saying "no" in the middle of sex). The part that hurt and confused me the most was the day after when we were walking and he said in passing, "We're not virgins anymore."

"But wait," I said. "You didn't enter me all the way. And we didn't even finish. We're still virgins." This sparked the question, what makes someone lose their virginity officially? I didn't feel any different so I figured we did something wrong and next time would be better. Next time wasn't better. It took so long for it to not hurt. But when it stopped it felt so good. I fell even more in love with my first of practically everything and we're still experimenting and talking and loving each other. I could never ask for a better partner or first boyfriend.

V-Card Diaries: Sara "I was 16 and I wanted to lose my virginity to any guy who had long hair and was decently cute."

Today we're highlighting Sara in Michigan. She feels confident in her sexuality and refuses to let society discourage her.  If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.

A little about myself:

I am a 19-year-old female from Michigan

How I define virginity:

I define virginity as never having had a penis inside of you.

Here's my story:

I was 16 and I wanted to lose my virginity to any guy who had long hair and was decently cute. I guess I lived up to my 16-year-old standards. We lost our virginity together on our 2-month anniversary. We lost it at his sister's 13th birthday party. Out in the woods. It was awkward but it felt good in the end so who cares. I have no shame cause it was what I wanted at the time and I live life with no regrets. I've had 2 other sexual partners since, but having sex is what makes me happy so I don't let people make me feel bad about my choices. Simple as that.

V-Card Diaries: Victoria "I folded up a note and passed it to him, asking if he wanted to makeout after school."

Today we're highlighting Victoria in Atlanta, Georgia who made sure she got permission from her best friend before making moves on a boy her friend used to like. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I am a 15-year-old female from Atlanta, GA.

How I define virginity:

Virginity is a name for an experience. It's not a physical thing or something you can "lose." It's nothing important or sacred. All it is is the term for someone who's never had P-to-V sex before. Everyone uses it their own way of course, like if I received or gave oral more than like ten times, I wouldn't still call myself a virgin.

Here's my story:

I was in French class and I was really bored. I leaned over on my desk and asked my best friend if she was over this guy who she'd liked for like ever. She said she was over him and gave me permission to do whatever. He sits a few seats behind us, so I folded up a note and passed it to him, asking if he wanted to makeout after school. When the final bell rang we walked together to our school gym and into one of the locker rooms. I'd never even kissed a guy (tons of girls though) so I was kinda nervous. We made out, and he took off my shirt and my bra, and we kept making out. I had like ten minutes left before I had to go and he was being super sweet and I was hella horny, so I gave him a blowjob. He said I was really good at it, which was nice because, again, I was pretty nervous. We did it again yesterday, and this whole time he's been super sweet. We aren't telling people though I told him I didn't mind of he did. We just act like nothing happened and it's pretty nice.

I Was A Dress Code Harlot

dresscode [Poster via thecatsmeow90]

Ah, dress codes. A week doesn't go by without news about sixth graders being condemned for wearing shorts or female reporters being kicked out of court rooms for going sleeveless or nursing students being told to cover up so as not to distract from the learning environment. Even though I'm already a rising junior at an art school and don't really have to worry about a specific dress code (except to look ~*~super fly~*~ of course), it’s still something I think about when I hear stories from my younger sister and her friends.

Looking back at my high school’s dress code, it's clear how sexist the rules were. Even though there was no specific reference to “female students,” the focus on cleavage, skirt lengths, and cami width was obviously gendered. Trans* girls had it even rougher; their dress code violations were for performing an “act that shocks social conscience,” or in other words, wearing skirts or dresses (exact phrase from the old handbook...sad, but true). Appallingly, my school’s handbook considered  repeat dress code violations of the same caliber as dealing drugs, bullying, and committing arson.

Photos of my "slutty" high school self

One of the biggest enforcers of this policy when I was in high school was my chemistry teacher. (Hi, Ms. Esselman!) Her favorite phrase: “modest is hottest.” I think she spent more time scouting for teen cleavage than bullying or drug use. Unfortunately, I was one of those teen cleavage offenders. Above are of some of the outfits that got me in trouble. It wasn’t always intentional, though; as a girl who, um, filled out at a pretty early age, sometimes the most basic boatneck t-shirt became slutty.

Throughout my time in high school I was forced to swap my shorts for sweatpants from the lost-and-found box, wear a sweatshirt to cover my shoulders and cleavage on a hot day, and adjust my bra straps so they weren’t showing. It was incredibly humiliating to be called out for dress code, particularly because it demonstrated that your teachers were looking at you “that way,” and so each day I crossed my fingers before class that I would go unnoticed. Kind of hard when you’re trying to actively participate in the classroom, though.

Speaking up is an important way to be involved, demonstrate that you’re smart, and interact with the class material, but it’s also a good way for a teacher to notice that you’re wearing shorts because of the 90 degree weather outside. A lot of women in my class were forced to choose between speaking up in class and being called out for “immodest dress” or staying silent and potentially avoiding reprimand. Many people may wonder, “So why not fully cover yourself and avoid getting in trouble?” Well, we could always wear burqas, but then our scandalous ankles might show!

But here's the real issue with this line of thinking: It forces women to address a situation they are not in control of–namely, the way other people perceive and interact with their bodies–instead of addressing the origin of the issue itself. Female bodies are neither inherently sexual nor exist for guys to look at, exposed shoulders do not warrant disrespect, and the female body is not shameful.

Fortunately for my harlot self’s sake, Ms. Esselman took it easier on me once I finally wedged my way into her heart. I worked hard in class and stayed afterward to ask questions and participated often despite the threat of being sent to the office to change. Instead of shouting at me like she did with most of the other young women in the class, she just made a very excessive gesture at me to cover up. Still incredibly awkward, but much more bearable. She never learned that what she was doing was sexist, though; I think she allowed herself to see me as a person rather than as a sexual object, which made it easier to interact with me like like a human being. Some might think that was an improvement, but it still didn’t alter the current system in place.

There has been more backlash against school dress codes recently, but most schools aren't interested in altering their policies anytime soon. Going back to visit old teachers is still stressful. As I walk through my old halls, occasionally I’ll get a questioning up-and-down glance from an administrator, and I’ll attempt to telepathically convey, “Hello, yes, I am a grown-ass woman and no longer attend this school. Please do not stop me because I am having none of it.”

Think your dress code might be sexist? Here's a handy dandy guide to help you out.

Moriah is a student at RISD and a summer intern at Trixie Films. You can read more about her here.

"DO NOT GET MY DRESS!!!!!" Facebook Prom Groups and other Stupid Things about the 'Big Night'

Pretty-in-Pink

As high school winds down, my newsfeed is overwhelmed by pictures of everyone all dolled-up for their big prom nights. Seeing all of these (seemingly) happy couples in their matching prom attire makes me think of my own encounters with the weird "prom culture" that erupts from all of the hoo-rah surrounding the event.

Now that I'm a college junior, that prom courting ritual that seemed so dramatic and overwhelming feels absurd and even funny. Instead of seeing a crystalized moment in time where a couple looks pristine and happy, I think of all the drama that leads up to this single photo.

Prom really isn't just one night. It is an entire process. I was a member of a private Facebook group for both my junior and senior proms called something along the lines of "PROM DRESSES 2012," a place where high school girls posted pictures of what they planned to wear so that no two people would (god-forbid!) show up in the same dress.

Image 3

But these groups have an underlying hostility simmering beneath each post with teens calling each other out for having the same dresses as them. On a friend's prom dress Facebook page, one group member posted an image of her dress with the caption "DO NOT GET MY DRESS!!!!!" Another person commented on someone else's image, "That is an easy access dress!" And some minor fights even erupted. "Just wanna let you know I have that dress in a different color i posted it on here like a month ago” one angry member of the group wrote when she saw that her classmate posted the same dress as hers.

These posts are benign compared to other Facebook prom dress groups. One group goes by the name of, "Bitch don't steal my dress!" And in the same ilk, "If YOU steal MY prom dress, bitch I'ma cut you."  If you google the now deleted Facebook group "steal my prom dress and i'll knock you the fuck out" you can find abounding remnants of the threats that were once posted.

In my own group, people commented as early as the beginning of January (5 months before prom!) with what dresses they will wear. Some changed their dresses as many as 3-4 times. Most people put up all of their "maybes” (that is, what they might be wearing) so that they could lay claim to all of their potential options.

The posts are territorial, passive aggressive, and some just straight up cruel– and they reveal how prom means different things for different people. For guys it may be a last chance to lose their virginity before college, but for girls it is about the pressure to look flawless, about losing weight for their dresses, and getting the perfect tan.

Aside from the community of hostility these groups create—similar to (or perhaps a result of) the hostility created by a society that constantly pits women against each other— they also reveal a culture’s obsession with what is (typically) a heteronormative event that excludes anyone who veers from the “ideal” couple. What about queer people, trans* people, aromantic people? What someone is wearing is among the least of worries for a gay couple restricted from taking one another to prom. A trans* girl who wants to wear a dress has bigger problems to face than someone showing up in the same outfit as her.

At the end of it all, prom is really just a night of false norms and unmet expectations.

Hollywood, social media, and most importantly, 80s teen flicks, have turned prom into what is supposed to be one of the most important nights of a young person's life. It is a rite of passage into college where we tie up all those loose ends, fit in all that awkward teen stuff before we diverge on our separate paths of adulthood. And perhaps this fixation on hooking up and “maturation” by means of the prom is why it is such a big deal for people. Perhaps this is why teens are purchasing dresses months and months in advance and assuring they are the only person on the entire face of the Earth to ever wear it. And I don’t mean to critique just the women but instead use this group as a firsthand example of all the prom drama ("proma"). We treat this night as if it will change our lives forever.

Thinking about my own dreadful junior prom experience now makes me laugh. Between my breakup at the time and fear of having no date for the prom (because how could one possibly go to the prom–gasp–alone?!), and ending up with a date who I barely spoke to the entire time, my own experiences were nothing like what the movies told me it would be. The prom itself consisted of some gross food, little dancing, and an anti-climactic (no pun-intended) after party that I did not attend. But despite all the trauma, I now realize how insignificant all of it really was.

Image 3

In one of the very first posts on my prom dress group, its creator ironically writes (after dictating a number of rules about posting dresses), “It’s going to be okay. Seriously.”  Though she meant it passive aggressively, it’s true. Prom will be okay. You will survive it even if you are wearing the same dress as someone else. You will survive it even if you go without a date.

Instead of focusing so much on the socially constructed “rules” of prom, we should be fighting against them. Next year, instead of wearing dresses, all the girls should wear tuxes. Next year, instead of caring about who is going with who, we should fight against the fact that some schools still don’t allow same-sex couples into prom. Next year, instead of worrying about the perfect prom couple photo, let’s rebel against the binaristic gender norms that underlie the event. Next year, instead of getting involved with the after party hook up gossip, let’s worry about how the fixation on  partying and “losing one’s virginity” on this big night can cultivate unsafe environments for sex.

Starting right now, let’s focus on what really matters, instead of if two people are wearing the same dress.

Alexa is a student at Emory University and a summer intern at Trixie Films. You can read more about her here.

V-Card Diaries: Ida. Ho. "Don't have sex in the front seat of a car."

Our latest V-Card Diaries comes from Ida.Ho. in Texas, who took some risks the first time she had intercourse, from having some unprotected and rough tumbles in a car, to not taking Plan B afterwards. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. We'd love to run it in this blog. A little about myself:

I'm 18. I'm a pan-sexual female (shh don't tell my mother) and I'm a proud Texan, born and raised.

How I define virginity:

I was taught that vaginal penetration was the line where you lost your virginity. I've since re-thought it. I think losing your virginity includes oral sex. But let me tell about the first "conventional" time I had sex.

Here's my story:

You would have thought it was a porno how many positions he tried. J was never really a boyfriend guy friend from the summer before. I met him when I was 15 and he was 19. When I was 16 I snuck out the house to go see him because he texted me that it was an emergency. We hadn't spoken in over 6 months but he had a history of depression and suicide attempts so I was legitimately concerned. I half ran down the street in flip flops, my pajamas, and messy hair to his house. He was sitting in his car outside.When I climbed in he skipped the hello and the explanation of what was going on, he hugged me. He told me he just needed to see me. I sighed, glad he was okay.

I layed down and put my head on his lap, intent on cat napping while he warmed up to talking about what was going on. Since my eyes were closed I didn’t see the kiss coming. But one minute I was half asleep on his lap, and the next we were full on making out. I got up and straddled him, taking my top and bra off. The summer before he taught me a lot about my body. He showed me how to give a good blow job, all the great things you can do with breasts. He went down on me once. I didn’t cum and it was really awkward for both of us. So I’m comfortable with him. Suddenly he says “I wanna do it.”

Despite me asking him several times the summer before he never wanted to take my virginity. I got off him and took the rest of my clothes off. I was ready. It took me five minutes to convince him. We didn’t have a condom. I started out riding him but couldn’t really do it. Then on my back. Then doggy style. Then three other positions. By the time he was done I had a concussion, my head had been knocked around so many times. DON’T HAVE SEX IN THE FRONT SEAT OF A CAR. He handed me a handful tissues and informed me I was bleeding. I tried to clean up a little before putting my clothes back on.

Then he said “Will you do something for me?” I said “Anything. He drove me to the local drug s tore. He sent me in to buy a plan B pill. I walked in and asked how much it cost. The guy behind the counter told me $40. I went back to the car and asked him for the money. He wiped blood off my face and said “What kind of hard core car sex did we have?” I bought the pill. He dropped me off at home, quickly explained what it did and sent me on my way.

I never took the pill. I wasn’t interested in starting my period right away. I was going on vacation the next day. My brother was up when I walked in. I know I looked a wreck. He didn’t say anything. J and I haven’t spoken since.

V-Card Diaries: Rosa "My kissing number's already up to 50. I'll stick to safe sexual fun."

 Today we're highlighting Rosa in New Jersey. For her, kissing is a safe way to have sexual fun until she finds Mr. Right. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

19 years old, female, and I'm in New Jersey, United States.

How I define virginity?

My standard definition of virginity is the old fashioned PIV. But really, once there's been penis penetration of any of the '3 holes,' then I personally wouldn't consider myself to be a virgin anymore.

Here's my story:

I'm still a virgin at 19 years. And it's not because of social awkwardness or because I fear sex, but because I choose to be. But on the flip side, I'm not saving myself for marriage, and I'm fine with being sexual with guys just a little.

I love kissing. And being intimate with a boy, but WITHOUT taking my clothes off or the fondling/groping. I love stimulating and interacting with someone else, and just enjoying the fact that I'm touching another person, and not just using someone for an orgasm, but actually feeling all the different reactions they have over the hours... that's the best kind of intimacy to me.

The irony about my virginity is that I don't have any set rules for the # of guys I can kiss, cuddle, or have full on make-out sessions with. My kissing number's already up to 50, and I've had dozens of make-out sessions with half as many guys...

That's my whole point on why I feel it's safe. I still get to have A LOT of fun with all these different guys, but don't need to worry if I'll catch an STD (I got cold sores when I was little, so I'm not concerned about oral herpes, and I know fingering is pretty safe, but if they've cuts on their hands viruses can still transmitted, and that's not a risk I'm willing to take).

Another reason that I like keeping those boundaries is because if a boy were trying to/thinking of using me for sex, well, all he's going to get is some kissing, not my body.

Also, I do want to find Mr.Right someday. But in the meantime, I'll stick to safe sexual fun, so to me, being a virgin's actually pretty awesome xD.

V-Card Diaries: Kisa "I lost my virginity while watching Star Wars on a Saturday, and it was the most perfect moment to do it."

Today we’re highlighting Kisa on the East Coast who thought her first time was perfect, but doesn't think all her friends would understand why she didn't wait. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.  

A little about myself:

My name is Kisa and I'm female and about to be a senior in the class of 2014!!! I live on the East Coast!!

How I define virginity:

I feel like there are several virginities you can lose and each one is its own separate thing. You can lose your oral sex virginity, your vaginal sex virginity, and anal, and much more. I think that each one is its own special thing and something to look forward to. But I also believe that people put too much value on virginity.

Here's my story:

I was scared at first. My earliest sexual experiences were not done willingly. I had been penetrated with a finger in my vagina by my rapist and I was scared of doing anything sexual at all. I had decided I was going to put off sex until the latest possible moment. Then I met my boyfriend, and I told him outright I never wanted to have sex with him. While this might put off many guys he said he was willing to wait and understood why, he still did ask but respected me when I said no. He waited and waited for me to be ready and finally one day I was! I initiated the act and enjoyed it fully even though it did hurt. I lost my virginity while watching Star Wars on a Saturday at his house, and it was the most perfect moment to do it. I regret nothing. I only wish there was not such a stigma regarding virgins, and virginities. I am a little sad, not because I lost it to him, but because it's something totally new to me and I don't want people to judge me for my actions. It was perfect for me, but I don't think all of my friends would understand why I did not wait longer.

V-Card Diaries: Dakora "I haven't done anything more with a guy than eye contact."

Today we're highlighting Dakora in Australia, who was surprised her ninth grade classmates were having sex, but feels "losing" one's virginity at any age shouldn't be such a big deal. We hope she lets us know how things turn out!If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:

I'm Dakota. I'm a 15-year-old and from Australia. I am in my second last year of high school. I am a virgin and I haven't done anything more with a guy than eye contact. Yes. You read that correctly. Eye contact.

How do you define virginity?

Technically, the loss of virginity is through vaginal sex only, but I find the term pretty flexible.

Tell us your story

It took me a while but I found out that people were having sex in the ninth grade. It was weird. I was still wearing tank tops under my school uniform shirt and the girl who sat two rows behind me in science had an eighteen year-old boyfriend with whom she had regular intercourse. Was everybody having sex but me?

I'm not gonna lie, I think about sex a lot. I'm not planning on waiting until I marry (if I even marry) or even until I love somebody. I think virginity is made a bigger deal than it is, and as a feminist, it's quite a sexist and misogynistic idea.

I don't know when I will lose my virginity. I don't know if I will lose it this year or even when I'm still in high school. Maybe I will be in my twenties. Does it even really matter?

Did I mention I like a cute 17-year-old Christian guy at work? I'll let you know how that turns out.

V-Card Diaries: Bob "The longer I stay a virgin, the more it becomes a self-perpetuating feedback loop."

From time to time, we repost something we like that we've recently rediscovered in our archives. Today we're highlighting 30-year-old Bob, who ponders the various factors that that have contributed to his current sexual status. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission page. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.

I am almost 30 and never thought I would be a virgin male at this age. I did not date in high school partly because I was too mature. In my junior year I could grow a full beard and was interested in religion, social and science television programs, and books. Little did I know that dating becomes more complex as one ages, and in that way I was very immature. In college I dumped my religious baggage at the dorm door. I still believed in morals–being truthful, kind and good to others–but not in the abstinence part. However, my focus in college was completing my degree and not getting into too much debt. Then after graduation, my focus was on finding a house.

At 27 I was happy. I had a house and liked where I lived, so I started to earnestly look at dating and losing my virginity. I thought dating should be easy. Dating was not easy. I had not dated before so everyone I dated was more experienced than I. Also, I was comfortable being alone, I had a house, friends, a job I enjoyed, freedom, porn, and so I did not need anyone.

After dating a while, I started to get a fear of rejection–not being rejected initially, but being rejected after spending time and effort, then having the relationship end before getting laid. The rejections made me ponder what my excuse for being a virgin is. I am bald but I went with it and shaved my head. I drink and party occasionally. I am 6 feet tall, 190 lbs, not gay, religious, overly shy, or a social introvert.

So basically I am normal and I have no good excuse except it has not happened yet. The longer I stay a virgin, the more it becomes a self-perpetuating feedback loop and the harder it becomes to break free. I still try–I just know now it is more difficult than I expected.

Originally published December 19, 2010