website statistics

internet dating

Our valentine's gift to you: a month of quotes & graphics from the V-Card Diaries on sex & virginity

Every year, we do an outreach project around Valentine's Day inspired by our documentary How To Lose Your Virginity. This year, in keeping with the themes of the film, we're pushing back against standard narratives about sex, virginity and relationships (with their implied judgement of anyone who's not conforming) to show how diverse experiences around sexuality and relationships can be. 

All through the month of February (V-Month!), we're posting a graphic a day created by Trixie Films interns Bree and Sally. Incorporating quotes from stories submitted to our interactive project The V-Card Diaries, they've created 29 striking graphics. The quotes are about having sex, not having sex, being queer, being asexual, rejecting the virginity construct, and more.

You can see the full set on Tumblr, and they're also showing up on Facebook and Twitter throughout the month of February. 

Here are some ways you can be a part of this project:

See the full and growing set of graphics here along with selected V-Card Diaries stories.

Submit your own graphics and quotes on tumblr or email them to us and we'll post them.

Share your own anonymous story at The V-Card Diaries.

Read all The V-Card Diaries stories here.

Repost and amplify this project, especially if your work speaks to young women and men.  

In case you're not familiar with The V-Card Diaries, it's our crowd-sourced interactive story-sharing site where everyone can access and share diverse stories about sexuality and virginity in total anonymity. With almost 400 stories and counting, the project tells a collective story about becoming sexual–and the radical act of speaking honestly about it. The project, which as exhibited at the Kinsey Institute, is a companion piece to our documentary How To Lose Your Virginity, which examines how our sexual culture affects young people's lives.

If you'd like to write about this project, our V-Month graphics project, contact us!

On the eventual realization that casual sex isn't worth losing a good night's sleep

This perfectly describes why I finally realized I preferred a good night's sleep over another casual encounter with another guy who would likely be as erection-challenged and porn-emulating as the rest. For ladies who like to sleep around, the problems with it are not about morality or any other conservative clucking about family values and women's roles. THIS is why casual sex eventually loses its charms:

From "From Swipe Right On Monogamy" by Charlotte Shane

Why did casual sex suck so much? Because very few straight cis men were as libidinous, skilled, or nice as they needed to be to make the enterprise worthwhile. When arranging my “casual encounters,” I hoped for low level warmth and good naturedness to accompany fun sex, but this modest combination was exceedingly rare. And in 2015, I watched friend after friend suffer the same relentless indignities I’d endured in 2014, before Mr. Pussy Pic [her eventual monogamous boyfriend] entered the scene.

“Being straight is a constant exercise in degradation,” I found myself telling them because it was the most sincere validation I could summon. We’d been told that men were insatiable, that they’d be thrilled by our appetites and eagerness and carefully cultivated hotness, yet we kept bumping up against potheads and sluggards who seemed severally sexually under-motivated in spite of having signed up for a site designed to get them laid. Then there were the erectile problems courtesy of bad diets, prescription or recreational drugs, and performance anxiety.

Those who could get it up, inexcusably, often mimicked porn moves with an alarming degree of sincerity. I daresay even the rare vaginal orgasm-er among us is shocked by the ignorance behind such cartoonish penetrative encounters."

h/t The Lux Letter

V-Card Diaries: Lijola "I lost my virginity with a guy I met over the internet and I know how that sounds."

Today we're highlighting Lijola in The Netherlands who believes you should celebrate your body, but also make sure it's in trusted hands. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 20 years old straight woman. I'm Polish, living and studying in the Netherlands.

How I define virginity:

Well it's not an easy one to answer. Technically it's sexual intercourse but morally? What if you got sexually abused? I believe it's when you first time decide to have sex and by that moment consider yourself no longer being a virgin. When it comes out of your own free will and not forced out on you.

Here's my story:

I have always seen virginity as something very important. Partly it must have been cause of my religious backgrounds which at some point conflicted with my inner feelings about sex. I thought it makes you special since it's so easily given away nowadays. I decided to give it to someone special. But what's most important, someone I will fully trust and feel comfortable with.

I lost my virginity when I was 19. I met this guy over the internet, I know how it sounds. We fell for each other so much he decided to leave everything behind in his country and come to me so we can be together. He wasn't a virgin anymore himself and had been quite sexually active before me so it was hard for him to understand why wouldn't I want to have sex with him.  It took him around half a year to sort everything out and move here so I took my time to figure out what do I want to do about this matter. Although he wasn't very understanding and maybe even slightly pushing, I understood his point of view. And he just felt right in every way so i began to trust him and feel more open to it.

We decided to meet halfway and went on holidays together. It happened the first day we met. He wasn't pushing me to it, he gave me all the space, love and attention that made it a moment I couldn't regret. I couldn't ever agree that being pushed to anything is a good thing and nobody should do that but in my case it helped me open myself to it.

I'd say, make it your own decision no matter what circumstances. If you will feel good with yourself doing it then it's up to you and you only. It's your body and you should celebrate it but also give it it's respect and make sure you give it in trusted hands.

PS. We're living together for a year now. We plan on keeping it so for next many years :)