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V-Card Diaries: Emily Dickingson "Is there anyone that could love me for me enough that my extreme involuntary virgin status wouldn't turn him off?"

Writing from: Cleveland, Ohio

Age: Late 30s

How I define virginity: My definition seems to align w/society's definition: not having engaged in sexual intercourse of the baby-making variety.

But really, MY definition of virginity for myself is MUCH broader and encompasses many more issues. I read an article in Psychology Today that was a review of research on involuntary sexual virgins, and I very closely identified with what the research describes: adults who are virgins not of their own choosing.

The research studies showed that for involuntary virgins, there were often signs of this fate far back in childhood. Here, the author of the article highlights some of the "tells" of eventual involuntary adult virgins: children who are isolated, have a hard time making friends, are made fun of by their peers, children who feel strongly socially awkward and therefore prefer to play alone.

All of these descriptors applied to me. As such, I never was asked to a school dance, or asked to dance, or asked out on a date. I've never been on a date. I have never been kissed. Forget rounding the bases, I've never even been invited to the game. I have zip-zero-nada experience with anything related to love or romance or flirting or dating or sex.

I am very lonely, and I crave companionship. I yearn for a sexual partner, but only if we are in love with each other. Sex with strangers just for the sex frightens me; I'm scared of all the ways it would go wrong because of my lack of knowledge or experience. On the other hand, sex with someone I love and who loves me is also scary because of all the pressure that would be put on both of us. Is there anyone that could love me for me? Love me enough that my extreme involuntary virgin status wouldn't turn him off?

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V-Card Diaries: G "I'm not looking for a fairytale, just to meet someone to end my loneliness."

Today we're highlighting G in Canada, who is so cheerful and outgoing outwardly, she thinks people would be shocked if the knew how lonely and sad she really is. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.

A little about myself:

25, female, from Canada.

How I define virginity:

Having not had consensual sexual intimacy with a partner.

Here's my story:

I'm 25, I live in a big city and always have, and I'm still a virgin. Not by choice at all, I might add.

I'm not "ugly" but I'm also not strikingly beautiful. I'm quite plain. In high school I was very troubled, badly bullied and quite depressed, which didn't help. In college I was very shy and despite trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and actually go after people I was interested in, I never experienced reciprocated attraction. The rejection was and is still very painful.

Since then, I've tried online dating to no avail (I got exactly two messages, both from men in their 60s, and zero responses to anything I sent out) and gone out to parties and bars and all kinds of things in an effort to meet new people, but so far nothing has happened. A couple of times I got excited about someone promising, only to be disappointed. I'm not clingy or anything (believe me, I've asked people I know how I come off), just very unlucky.

I want desperately to meet someone. Not so much to have sex, but to help me realize I'm worthy of affection of SOME kind. Right now, I am 25 and I've never been kissed, never been on a date, never held hands, never anything. I feel so truly and desperately alone that I cry myself to sleep frequently. I'm not looking for a fairytale, just an end, however brief, to my loneliness.

I am at the point where I can't imagine what it would be like to have someone show me romantic affection. I almost don't even think it's real. I have a lot of love and care to give and no one who wants to receive it. I'm a very cheerful, smiley person outwardly, and extremely outgoing and friendly. People would be shocked if they knew how lonely and sad I am.

I hope I'll one day be able to write an update saying how I spent years overreacting and worrying for nothing and that I met someone I'm happy with, but I don't know if I can believe it'll ever happen. Maybe it'll finally be my turn one day.