Today we're highlighting t'ix^wlm in Washington state, who has never wanted to have sex in any form. If you want to tell your story, especially if yougo to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:
I'm a 27 (going on 28) year old third-gender multi-racial asexual and aromantic college student at EWU (in Washington), and I'm about to finish my BA and hope to go on to my MA in Gender Studies come fall.
I'm so much of a human mutt that I don't know what all I am, but I do know that I'm: Oglala Lakota, Cherokee, Egyptian, Irish, Scottish, Norse, German, and who knows what else. My preferred pronouns are jhe/jhur/jhur(s). (Along the same lines as she/her/her(s) or he/him/his.) I'm also a virgin and intend said status to be life-long. I'd rather be dead than lose it.
How I define virginity:
I define virginity as having never had sex; however there are multiple 'virginities' such as PIV, anal, oral, handjobs, etc. As such there is no 'one virginity that overrules all others'.
Here's my story:
I'm a virgin. I've never had sex in any form, I've never wanted to have sex in any form. As an asexual and aromantic I kind of look at the concept of sex and (however childish it may sound to others) ultimately my response is 'Eww'. It's one thing for me to occasionally read (fairly non-descriptive) fanfiction online, but the idea of seeing it in art or with actual people involved really grosses me out.
That isn't to say I'm not sex-positive- personally I think everyone has the right to like and enjoy what they will just so long as it's not harmful to anyone else- but for myself I want nothing to do with it. However, a vast majority of people I've run into that have had NO exposure to anyone falling on the asexuality-spectrum automatically assume that I must have been sexually abused as a child and it must have "scared me off" of ever wanting sex. It's infuriating.
First off, I think I would KNOW if I've ever been sexually assaulted in my life. Secondly, where the heck do other people get off telling me I'm traumatized when I'm not?
I'm not asexual and aromantic because I'm 'traumatized', my lack of interest in sex isn't a sign that something is 'wrong with me', and my complete and utter distaste for sex is not a sign that I'm 'childish' and 'need to grow up'. I don't like the concept of sex, it doesn't interest me. Assuming there's something wrong with me because of that is like assuming there's something wrong with someone who refuses to go somewhere because they don't like the social climate there.
Ultimately I feel like the mainstream culture in the US is waaaaayyy too hung up on sex, who is or isn't having sex, who has or hasn't lost their virginity, and that people are bombarded with this obsession over sex EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
I applaud the movie How to Lose Your Virginity for pointing out how ridiculous it is for people to get so hung up on something so trivial, but at the same time I have my doubts that voices like mine are heard. Part of it I suspect is the simple fact that those like myself that have no interest in ever losing their virginity honestly don't feel like they have anything to input in conversations about virginity. Honestly that was a thought that crossed my own mind. It's the simple fact that in my searches of this site there is a complete lack of any input from a voice like mine that has compelled me to submit an entry.
That being said, though it may seem that I have no input being that I have no interest in sex, I still know the basics of safe sex- hell, my mother was talking to me about safe sex when she was pregnant with me . If I ever adopt children I'll at least be able to tell them what they need for that much. Honestly the sort of basic knowledge for safe sex is as necessary, I think, as basic first aid. Okay, yeah, I may never have sex- if I have kids how would it make any sense for me to assume that they wouldn't?
My ultimate point is this: virginity and sex aren't anywhere near as big a deal as people make them out to be, and whether or not it ever happens people should have the knowledge to know how to protect themselves and they should feel free to be comfortable with losing their virginity (or not losing it) on their own time without feeling pressured one way or the other.