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V-Card Diaries: Lexie "He told me how many girls’ virginities he had taken as if that was supposed to make me feel better. It did not."

Writing from: Washington

Age: Early 20s

How I define virginity: To me losing your virginity does not mean it is going to change your life

Growing up I was always told sex was to be something that happened once you were married. Even in sex education, the idea of waiting until you were married was drilled into my head. There was no actual education about sex, no one told me what to do, what happens during sex or how I might feel, once it was all over.

What I did learn was how to fear sex. I was scared of sex because I did not actually know what to expect when it happened. I was scared that if I did end up having sex with a guy he would not like me because I did not know what I was doing. So I kept my distance from guys and never let any of them get too close until one night at a party.

I lost my “virginity” when I was 19 years old. Instead of my first time being with someone I loved and cared about, it was with a complete stranger. We met at a college party; he was visiting my school for the weekend. We instantly clicked, talking to him was not like talking to other guys, it was easy and the conversation just flowed. I ended up leaving the party with him and his friends to go to a different party at the apartment building he was staying at that weekend. I knew leaving the party that I was going to have sex with him, not because he had said anything about it but because something just felt right.

When we got to the party, we quickly decided to leave and go to the place where he was staying and that is when it all went to hell. I was a 19-year-old girl who had never actually kissed a boy before and I was about to let myself have sex; to say I was freaking out is an understatement. He went in for a kiss and I started having a panic attack and started to pace around the room.

I told him I was a virgin and that I had never done anything with a boy before. He then told me how many girls’ virginities he had taken as if that was supposed to make me feel better, it did not, but I still decided to have sex with him. I honestly just wanted to get it over with at that point. It was bad; it hurt much more than I thought it would, like a knife being stabbed into my vagina. I had no idea what I was doing so I just kept apologizing for everything.

The sex finally stopped when someone walked in on us. It was painful and I bled, a lot. It was not what I expected losing my virginity to be like at all. But I was even less prepared for how I would emotionally feel after. It has been over a year and I cannot move on from the guy who took my “virginity.”  

If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Find The V-Card Diaries here on most Wednesdays.

Congratulations! You've won a grant shaped like a chastity belt.

Where, oh where, to begin with this story about a South African grant just for girls who remain virgins:

 

“The bursaries are for young girls who are still virgins,” said a municipality spokesman, Jabulani Mkhonza.
“It’s a new category which the mayor has introduced this year,” he said, adding that the goal was to encourage “young girls to keep themselves pure and inactive from sexual activity and focus on their studies”. Beneficiaries of the grant would be subjected to regular virginity tests, he added. 
“Those children who have been awarded bursaries will be checked whenever they come back for holidays. The bursary will be taken away if they lose their virginity,” said Mkhonza.

Let's see...
That tying poor girls' educational prospects to a grant shaped like a chastity belt is inhumane? 
That virginity tests are bogus and a gross invasion of privacy? 
That keeping girls safe and in school is better accomplished with sex ed?
That young women should get educational support regardless of sexual history?
That some of them have probably been raped and shamed over that? 
That there's no comment on the value of boys staying celibate?
Ugh. 

The good news: Women's groups are attacking the plan.

Professor live-tweets her son's abstinence-only sex ed class

We cannot imagine a more delightful combination of words! This is a must read if you still aren't clear about what goes on in these hideous classes that your tax dollars fund. And here's her prose version for more detail. 

V-Card Diaries: Victoria "I lost my virginity at 14 to my boyfriend of a year. We were young as hell and in love as hell."

Today we're highlighting Victoria from California lost her virginity at age 14 to the love of her life. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.

A little about myself:

My name is Victoria, a female. I'm 16 years old and I live in a small, small town in California. It's literally tourist spot. All year round I see different people from around the world in Hawaiian shirts and flip flops, even though where I am it gets to below freezing.

How I define virginity:

Your virginity is NOT defined by your religion, your parents, or even your boyfriend. It's defined by YOU, however you want to define it.

Here's my story:

I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, to my boyfriend of a year. We were young as hell and in love as hell. In my family no one had ever talked to me about periods, love, sex, or drugs. I had to figure it out all own my own, just like a discovered how to put a tampon in the hard way.

I had started dating my boyfriend in 8th grade, and by freshmen year, we were definitely talking about sex. It was scary, because in school we were learning about condoms and birth control and stuff. Before we decided to have sex, I went on the pill. Two words, FUCK THAT. I had forgotten to take my pill at least 3 times a week every single week, so eventually I just stopped. I lost my virginity on my fourteenth birthday, in my boyfriends tiny room.

We got to his house and I stood next to his dresser without saying anything. I know, super awk. Anyways, long story short he had bought me Victoria's Secret underwear for my birthday and I was so uncomfortable in my lacey thong I literally couldn't move. We didn't get naked, but there was a couple laughs and a couple moans, and a couple cries and it was so worth it. If I have one word of advice it's definitely to lose it to someone special to you, I will never regret losing it to him because he was the love of my life and still is. I've been with him since I was 13.