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violence

“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”–Margaret Atwood

“If I can’t have you, girls, I will destroy you” “If we can’t solve our problems we must DESTROY our problems...One day incels* will realize their true strength and numbers, and will overthrow this oppressive feminist system. Start envisioning a world where WOMEN FEAR YOU." Elliot Rodger, as quoted by The Southern Poverty Law Center, one of the first to call the shooting a hate crime.

"...Whether any theoretical mental illness had anything to do with his rampage, it doesn’t negate the fact that he grew up believing in a toxic form of masculinity. That he believed he was entitled to women’s affections and to women’s bodies - and that being deniedwhat he thought was his due meant that the best thing he could do is go murder as many people as he could to punish them. Because that was exactly what he was doing: punishing people for the crime of not fucking him. Of forcing him to be a virgin, of making him less than a man. Because that is exactly what the cultural narrative of masculinity says. A woman who is a virgin is a prize, holding her “special gift” for a “special person”. A male (not a man, a male) is a failure. He is a boy, not a man. He is a failure, because masculinity is rated in two axis’ - in our capacity for sex and our capacity for violence." –Dr. Nerdlove, Paging Dr. Nerdlove on Tumblr

"Because of the misogyny he so plentifully expressed, I read the manifesto looking for examples where he would have been rejected by women.  Oddly enough, there are none, unless we count a girl who pushed and yelled at him in childhood, because he first bumped into her.  Other examples are of the type where a woman he smiled at didn't smile at him, where a woman he said "hi" to didn't respond.  If female rejection was what he mostly blamed for his suffering, where is that rejection in his manifesto?  Or did he expect women to flock to him, without any necessity to make an effort to meet them or talk to them? I cannot say for certain.  But the impression I got is that he never approached women at all, that he expected women to approach him, and when they did not, he felt enormous pains of rejection." Echidne of the Snakes

"So what can we do to stop this? We can refuse to participate in policing other people’s sexuality. We can call it out when we see others doing it. We can petition the media to address the misogyny and sexual double standard when discussing these murders. We can talk about it- blog about it, post status updates about it, write school papers about it, talk to friends about it. When it happens online, we can report it. But we have so much work to do." Dr. Jill McDevitt, The Sexologist on Tumblr

"@virginitymovie: #YesAllWomen because being a man is not defined by whether you've put your penis into a vagina." One of our contributions to #YesAllWomen, many powerful ones at this thread

* Incel is short for involuntary celibacy. Not all incel groups or hubs identify with Men's Rights or Pick Up Artist beliefs, and can be very supportive and female-inclusive. I'll be writing about this in another post.

V-Card Diaries: Francesca "At 14, I was trying to avoid thoughts of being a lesbian and loving a girl."

*Trigger warning for sexual and other violence* Today we’re highlighting Francesca from an Eastern European country, currently living in rural America, who suffered a great deal of abuse before meeting a man she loves. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. .

About me: 

Francesca, 17-year-old dreamer from a beautiful Eastern-European country, exploring the world through the seek-and-find in my mind. Growing up at the seaside in a megapolis, I am an exchange student in rural America.

How I define virginity? 

Innocence of body and mind. When there is nothing to hide from mommy and priests.

My story:

That's a long one. Pretty much a confession. I was the most delightful and kind girl you would ever meet. Never had a bad thought in my innocent head, never upset my mom, took ballet classes and believed I'd become a princess when I grow up. Everybody adored me.

My dad has always had drinking & anger problems. Once I saw him with a knife over my mom. I lost my credibility in men, some months after he hit me and threw me to the wall at the school in front of everybody because I shared my crayons with a girl. I locked up in myself, and that sweet little girl died. I was 8. It happened so that I was about to be sexually assaulted twice, but I got away, and I became obsessed with a fear of being raped and all the men.

I think I've always liked girls as well as boys. When I like somebody, I don't consider them sexually. I've never seen this line between what is right and what is wrong. When I was 12, this older guy desperately fell in love with me. Tons of flowers, chocolates, balloons and books almost everyday- everything a girl can ask for to be the happiest. Made me think that I didn't deserve it and there is no way that could be truth, sooo... I fell in love with his best friend, a girl. She gave me my first kiss.

This was a long story, it lasted 2 years, which ended up with me and her having sex. I was 14. In the cold empty bathtub, pretty fast and painful. It hurt even with one finger inside of me, but I didn't lose my v-card. So innocent and scared before, I ate her out, and I have absolutely no idea how it could happen!!! I was so mentally a virgin that I almost fainted saying 'penis' at my anatomy class. She dumped me, scared of responsibility for my feelings, and it took me 2 years to get over it. I became a wild child, still making A's and never upsetting my mom. I was trying to avoid thoughts of being a lesbian and loving a girl, drinking and smoking stuff to kill the leftovers of innocence.

But then I met him (I was 16). I'm not sure if I did it to prove that I liked guys as well or because I had a big crush on him, but I felt it was right. We made love on the roof of a 16-stories-high building and then on the beach. It hurt a lot but my mind was orgasming from a thought that there is a guy I love above me, and the night city & the sea under...Now everything is as it should be.