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waiting until marriage

V-Card Diaries: Ted "Since I am pansexual i felt like I lost my second "virginity" the first time I slept with a woman"

Writing from: Glendale, Arizon

Age: Late teens

How I define virginity: Virginity is s social construct that was initially intended to scare girls into waiting till marriage to have sex. 

I willingly had sex for the first time at the age of 16. The guy turned out to be a horrible person but at the time i thought i was in love. I consider this my first "virginity". Since i am pansexual i felt like i lost my second "virginity" the first time i slept with a woman, which wasn't till i was 18. 

If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Find The V-Card Diaries here on most Wednesdays.

V-Card Diaries: Lexie "He told me how many girls’ virginities he had taken as if that was supposed to make me feel better. It did not."

Writing from: Washington

Age: Early 20s

How I define virginity: To me losing your virginity does not mean it is going to change your life

Growing up I was always told sex was to be something that happened once you were married. Even in sex education, the idea of waiting until you were married was drilled into my head. There was no actual education about sex, no one told me what to do, what happens during sex or how I might feel, once it was all over.

What I did learn was how to fear sex. I was scared of sex because I did not actually know what to expect when it happened. I was scared that if I did end up having sex with a guy he would not like me because I did not know what I was doing. So I kept my distance from guys and never let any of them get too close until one night at a party.

I lost my “virginity” when I was 19 years old. Instead of my first time being with someone I loved and cared about, it was with a complete stranger. We met at a college party; he was visiting my school for the weekend. We instantly clicked, talking to him was not like talking to other guys, it was easy and the conversation just flowed. I ended up leaving the party with him and his friends to go to a different party at the apartment building he was staying at that weekend. I knew leaving the party that I was going to have sex with him, not because he had said anything about it but because something just felt right.

When we got to the party, we quickly decided to leave and go to the place where he was staying and that is when it all went to hell. I was a 19-year-old girl who had never actually kissed a boy before and I was about to let myself have sex; to say I was freaking out is an understatement. He went in for a kiss and I started having a panic attack and started to pace around the room.

I told him I was a virgin and that I had never done anything with a boy before. He then told me how many girls’ virginities he had taken as if that was supposed to make me feel better, it did not, but I still decided to have sex with him. I honestly just wanted to get it over with at that point. It was bad; it hurt much more than I thought it would, like a knife being stabbed into my vagina. I had no idea what I was doing so I just kept apologizing for everything.

The sex finally stopped when someone walked in on us. It was painful and I bled, a lot. It was not what I expected losing my virginity to be like at all. But I was even less prepared for how I would emotionally feel after. It has been over a year and I cannot move on from the guy who took my “virginity.”  

If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Find The V-Card Diaries here on most Wednesdays.

V-Card Diaries: Sarah "I always thought I'd save my first time for my wedding night. I also always thought I'd get married in my early twenties"

Writing from: Knoxville, TN

Age: Early 20s

How I define virginity: For straight people, a virgin is someone who has never has penetrative penile-vaginal sex.

I always thought I'd save my first time for my wedding night. I also always thought I'd get married in my early twenties. I was engaged once to a guy (with whom I fooled around A LOT and did pretty much everything other than P in the V with) but he couldn't keep up with me and I decided to break up with him.

Now I feel like a totally different person. I'm very career-oriented now, and I consider myself a feminist (I used to think that was a dirty word). I'm only interested in casual relationships because I don't want anyone to slow me down. But now that so much has changed, I'm finding my attitudes toward sex are changing, too.

I'm 23, and I feel like I'm in virginity limbo. I'm dating a nice guy right now who is fairly experienced. I feel comfortable with him, and I like his sweetness and his sense of humor. I think I want to lose my virginity to him, but I'm a little nervous. I think it's time. I don't want to turn 24 still a virgin.

If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Find The V-Card Diaries here on most Wednesdays.

V-Card Diaries: Felicity "I'm carrying a very heavy weight on my shoulders. Being a virgin at 21 is a very hard job"

Writing from: Yola, Nigeria

Age: Early 20s

How I define virginity: A state whereby one has not had any sexual intercourse

I grew up as the only girl at home so when i saw boys i thought of them as my friends or my brothers. on my final year at high school i met this really hot guy and i fell in love with him so we dated for six months then he cheated on me. i felt so stupid and i kept asking my myself how could i not see that this guy was just looking for a rebound coz he was very hot and definitely out of my league.

so enough about him. after that big heartbreak i never wanted to trust guys anymore and now i'm doing my second year in college and there is this guy i like very much. i feel like i'm carrying a very heavy weight on my shoulders and i don't know how to handle it anymore. being a virgin at 21 is a very hard job and i ain't enjoying it. everytime my peers talk about sex i just feel uncomfortable and its only a few of them who know my state.

i tell myself that i'm still a virgin because i wanna meet my Mr right and get married first but i'm not sure if that's really the case. i don't even date anymore because i'm afraid that i won't be sexually available to the guy and i know that most guys are just about sex.

i really don't know what to do and i don't have anyone to talk to. will i be single for the rest of my life? that scares the crap out of me. But all in all I choose God before anyone else, and i know He won't let me down.

If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Find The V-Card Diaries here on most Wednesdays.

A 'waiting till marriage' story that isn't judgey? Thanks Colton Dixon!

I'm not really up on American Idol or Christian music, so I'm not familiar with Colton Dixon's work. But reading this story about his honeymoon, I was struck by how refreshing it is when people talk about their decision to remain abstinent until marriage as a personal belief, not a universally-expected code of conduct punishable by Hell.

"It was not easy!" he says with a laugh. "But I believe sex was designed for marriage and I knew it would be more meaningful to wait. That was something I grew up thinking and feeling, and I believe the Bible backs it up as well." 

See what he did there? "I believe."  No judgements about other people's choices, no framed Purity Certificates. (At least nothing in this article) So refreshing! Mazel tov, you two crazy kids. Stay happy! 

V-Card Diaries: Noodlegirl "I was so clueless, I had to Google what I had felt to see if I'd had an orgasm."

Today we're highlighting Noodlegirl from a US East Coast city whose most positive feeling about her breakup was relief she didn't have sex with her boyfriend.  If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.

A little about myself:

I am a 22-year-old woman who recently graduated from college and is (hopefully) nearing the end of a search for a job near the east coast city where I attended college. I have always wanted to wait until marriage to have sex.

How I define virginity:

I define virginity as penis in vagina penetration.

Here's my story:

I was raised in a Christian home and went to a conservative Christian school until I was 13. Sex wasn’t discussed very much in my home or at the Christian school, but I remember being told more than once that I should wait to have sex until marriage.

I believe as a result of this conservative upbringing, I arrived at the dating/sex scene much later than many of my friends did. I started experimenting with non-penetrative masturbation when I was 18 or 19 and had my first orgasm at age 19. I was so clueless about everything that I wasn’t even sure that I had had an orgasm. I had to google what I had ‘felt’ just to see if I had actually had one. Although I have always wanted a boyfriend, I have pretty high standards and wholeheartedly believe in waiting for someone who I feel I am truly compatible with personality and value-wise. So, I waited. Then, in the fall of my senior year, at age 21, I met a guy who lived on my floor in my dorm. We got along very well and became good friends and eventually started dating. Our relationship recently ended and lasted 10 months.

Very early on in the relationship, I was honest about my desire to not have sex. He was a virgin as well, raised in a religious family, and agreed to wait. However, later on I found out that he had misunderstood me. He was willing to wait for a commitment, but he was not willing to wait for marriage. Regardless, while we were together, he respected my desire not to have penetrative sex. The more ‘bases we rounded’, though, the more he expressed a desire to have sex. We had countless discussions and arguments about why we weren’t having sex, and though he broke it off for other reasons, I can’t help but think that the issue of sex factored in. One of the most positive feelings I have had about this break-up is the relief that I didn’t have sex with him.

While I do agree with the religious reasons for not having sex, I also believe that sex connects you to someone emotionally, whether you feel like it does or not. It is so intimate of an act that I believe that you give a little part of yourself to anyone you have sex with. It’s not that you can’t get that part back or fill that void again, but I believe that you must go through a lot of pain and subsequent healing to get it back. I also believe that if you have trouble reconciling what you’ve ‘given away,’ it can affect your future sexual and relationship experiences. Thus, I only want to have sex with one person, and I want it to be on my wedding night with my husband. I want to preserve that intimacy and make it as special as it should be for both of us.

V-Card Diaries: Laura "I see a hot guy and the dirtiest thing that crosses my mind is I just want to stare at him all day."

Today we're highlighting Laura in Florida, who thinks she's demi-sexual because she needs a connection to become aroused. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself: 21, Female, Florida

How I define virginity:

I'm not sure how to define virginity. It's complicated, I believe everyone has their own definition of what virginity is to them. For me, it's not having had sex. Which is still very vague–because there's lots of ways to have sex...so how do you pick what counts and what doesn't? It's confusing. Dictionary.com defines virginity as the condition or state of being a virgin, untouched, pure, fresh, or unused. Again..vague. So I came to a conclusion that virginity is just a thing, an experience someone hasn't had yet. Whatever that experience may be to that person - because it could be anything!

Here's my story:

My story is that I'm recently 21 and I'm a virgin. I've never even had a relationship before. AT 19, I (unfortunately) had my first kiss. (long story). But from that experience I learned a few things about myself. I am perfectly content being single. I've never had a relationship and I won't until it's right for me. And I'm still deciding whether or not I want to wait to have sex until marriage. Either way..it's going to be with my (future) husband. I have no doubts about that. It's not religious - it's just what I feel is right for myself. I also think I'm demi-sexual which means I don't experience sexual arousal unless I form a connection first. Seriously, I see a hot guy and the dirtiest thing that crosses my mind is I just want to stare at him all day..maybe get a hug. :P

V-Card Diaries: Megan "Sex is precious. My body is precious. It is only for THE one other person that will earn my trust."

Today we're highlighting Megan in Texas, whose Catholicism impacts how she things about sex and relationships. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 26-year-old female from Texas. I was born Catholic and still practice Catholicism. Naturally, this has a huge impact on how I was raised and how I see sex and relationships. But I also agree that people have different views, none of which I condone. I stick to my values, and I respect those who have different values and stick to them just as tightly. It's what makes them who they are.

How I define virginity:

I have my own personal definition of virginity: It simply means not being sexually intimate (all forms of sex; if it has the word "sex" behind it, it is indeed considered "sex" in my book; even being naked with a potential sex partner is close to the edge. But I'm a very private person anyway). Many people have different definitions of virginity, so it is my belief that they should stick to their morals when it comes to deciding whether or not they've lost "it." The term has become so muddled, it's impossible to come to a consensus on a definition.

Here's my story:

I'm single, and still a virgin at 26. I have felt shame at times, especially when I was younger, but as I have grown up and matured, I feel at peace with my decision to remain celibate until marriage. None of my friends care and none have asked me if I've ever "lost it", and I have never asked them. I feel that is out of respect for each other, and because it really doesn't matter in our friendships. Sex is a private matter, between two individuals who care deeply for each other. I've discovered a great deal about myself since leaving high school 8 years ago, and I know that I will be ready to let someone into my life when the time comes.

Indeed, religion has played a role in my decision, but I also never have felt like I was ready for an intimate relationship. I have to find the right person, and only then will I know I can let him intimately into my life, and we can share an experience that is the practice leading to the creation of new life as husband and wife. Sex is precious, my body is precious. My body is amazing, and it is only for THE one other person that will earn my trust and love me enough to be with me for the rest of my life. And I'm totally okay with our first time being messy and awkward, but that will give us a chance to grow and learn with each other throughout our lives.

Remaining a virgin has led me to realize that I have respected my body AND my emotions, because no one knows me better than me. Of course I've had sexual desires (I am human), and I definitely relish the thought of being intimate with a man. I have had opportunities, but remaining true to myself means more to me than giving myself away before I'm ready.

V-Card Diaries: Miss Understood "I am a liberal atheist with multiple tattoos and a potty mouth, but I've never even kissed a boy."

Today we’re highlighting Miss Understood in Texas who hasn't so far found a guy worth having. When she does, then 'hallelujah.' If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I am twenty years old, almost 21!!! Woo woo! I am a female from the big bad state of Texas.

How I define virginity:

Having never been intimate with another person on a physical level.

Here's my story:

I am a liberal atheist with multiple tattoos and a potty mouth. Because of this I can't be a virgin. But I am, I've never even kissed a boy. (Or girl I guess) My reasoning for being a virgin is because I haven't found a guy who is worth having it. When he does come along and we trust each other, I won't see a problem with things progressing.

Most of my closest friends are the same way except they are waiting until marriage. This is totally fine, but I don't think that has to be the way. I see no problem with people being what some call "sluts". I think that as long as you do it safely and you are happy about it then it is perfectly fine. For me it's more about being comfortable with myself. Why would I reveal all this to a guy if I'm not happy about myself. Once I get there and find a really great guy then hallelujah.

V-Card Diaries: Elle "Someone who cared about my well-being was all I wanted for my first time."

Today we're highlighting Elle on the East Coast of the United States, whose first time taught her about the power of being open, honest, and talking things out. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. About me:

23. Female. East Coast born now living in the Midwest.

How I define virginity: 

When one's sex organ has not been breached or breaches another for the first time for sexual intercourse.

My story:

I met this guy while ice skating. After a few session and seeing him, my best friend and I befriended him and his friend. We hung out as a group quite a bit and he started showing interest in my best friend (we met him at the same time and nobody called dibs). One night while at his place we were all in the same bed watching a movie, with him in the middle, and ended up falling asleep. Half way through the night he was spooning me. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep after that fretting about how my friend would feel the next morning. It was never mentioned the next day or ever after that.

After that night he started showing me interest, and it had been a while since somebody had shown interested in me so I went for it. I started hanging out with him without my friend. I eventually started to stay to watch Generation Kill since we had a mutual love for the show. Those nights we ended up making out and groping one another. He knew I was a virgin. He was fine with waiting but that didn't stop him from telling me how much he wanted me so "badly."

It was about a month and a half of knowing him and a few weeks of random nights over when I told him I wanted to have sex. He was a bit shocked and kept asking if I was sure. He was gentle and kind about it. Making sure I wasn't in too much pain. It wasn't horrible, but it was an uncomfortable feeling.

Directly after the experience happened and still to this day, nearly two years later I don't regret it. I had thought about waiting till marriage since a I was child, because that is what I though people did. Then in my late teens it changed to waiting for the right person. I never thought I would lose my virginity to a guy I only knew for about two months, but there was a connection. Who is to say if he was or wasn't the "right person." I am just thankful for the way he treated me during sex and cared about my well-being. I believe that is all I wanted for my first time.

I view myself as somebody who is a bit awkward and unknowing in what to do in the situation of mutual attraction. The experience I had with this guy taught me a lot about myself and what I want out of a relationship, and that there is power in being open, honest and talking things out. I got comfortable being able to talk about my feelings and subjects that are tough to talk about.